Why We Chase The Wrong Things & What To Do About It
The subtle art of redefining your goals, in terms of 'doing' instead of 'having'.
The Problem With Goals
So you want a Ferrari? Perhaps $1M dollars in your bank account? If you managed to get away from being motivated by things of luxury, then perhaps you want to at least have a house of your own - no mortgage or anything?
These are the kinds of items that we tend to put on our fridges, inside our journals, or on our wish boards. We call them - goals. Oh, and do I have a beef with goals, but let’s not go all crazy and destroy the concept entirely, I concede that it can be useful, but let’s at least examine whether goals work as intended. (This is a useful habit to have - to ask oneself the question: “Does it work?”)
Back in the day, I started listing my goals. First, it was a permanent list, living inside my journal. Then I started doing it monthly, using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. However, I noticed one crucial, and important problem - funnily, it was the fact that I was actually achieving my ‘goals’.
There was a goal to relocate to Estonia. Done. There was a goal to start a newsletter. Done. There was a goal to have a house without a mortgage. Done. There was a goal to go to a Vipassana retreat. Done. You get the drift.
So, where is the problem then? Well, right here, staring me (and you) right in the face. The list of goals was becoming shorter, yes, but did my life actually change significantly as a result of achieving those goals? Not really.
My day still consisted of struggles with procrastination, I still tried to figure out what is the best way to structure my daily routine, and I still had questions about my relationship with money.
The things that I wanted to have, had a negligible effect on my state of being, my overall happiness on a daily basis, and on me as a human being. Not only that, but some of the goals - had a negative effect too.
For instance, I had a goal of wanting to be involved with 1000 companies, and I tried to push for this. However, pursuing this goal made me LESS happy, not more. It forced me to make decisions based on money, and the number of companies. It made me work more, and it closed my eyes to more important opportunities that were presenting themselves in my life.
My experience with goal setting, led me to a simple conclusion that wanting to HAVE things - is NOT WORKING when it comes to setting goals. There must be a better way.
A Better Way: What Do You Want To Be Doing?
Now, I have to be honest - my life did improve during the period of time that it took me to achieve the aforementioned goals. There is a lot of freedom - on any given day, I can do pretty much whatever I want. During the year, I usually attend and enjoy a variety of extremely meaningful events, such as Burning Man, Boom Festival, and Self-Development Masterclasses. When it comes to my health, I feel stronger and healthier than ever before.
However, I can’t realistically give credit for these improvements to any of the goals that I have had over the years. This begs the question - what made these changes possible?
Well, I would not write this newsletter if I did not have at least some sort of theory, so here goes. The things that enable me (and possibly you) to achieve a higher level of happiness have much more to do with what I am DOING as opposed to what I want to HAVE or possess.
For example, over the past few years, some of the things I started or stopped DOING are:
Martial Arts Training - became a private student of my Sifu and I now train at least three times a week (during the season).
Meditation - attended Vipassana, and I am now meditating at least a few times a week.
Increased the amount of reading by a factor of two.
Thanks to Valerie, started being open to and attending more events.
Started having more ‘unscheduled’ time for myself and my family.
Stopped focusing on monetary and financial goals as much as I used to.
Started using a Personal Knowledge Management system (Logseq).
Introduced Tea Ceremonies into our life, as a way of being.
Started using time-blocking in my calendar. For example - ‘No meetings before 12:00PM’.
Changing my behavior and redefining what I was doing - had a profound impact on my life. Still, there was a missing ingredient. Although I introduced the activities from above into my life, they were never a part of any official or unofficial ‘Goals’ list. They just happened, for which I am very grateful.
This brings me to my realization. What if I actually had a list of goals that would guide me toward my current state of being?
What if a few years ago, I would have a list of goals as follows:
Have at least 50% of your calendar slots - unscheduled.
Have the freedom to do sports at least three times a week.
Make going to events, retreats, masterclasses as a part of your professional life.
Write on a daily basis.
Meditate for at least an hour daily.
Spend at least two hours weekly in deep dialogue with a group of people. Discuss deep, profound, and meaningful things.
Spend at least 30% of your time, helping others in their struggles.
Perhaps I would get here faster and would find my life even more meaningful than I do now.
Practical Application: Writing A New Goals List
So what can you do? Well, how about you create a completely new list of goals for yourself? If you have never done goal-setting, feel free to use the 5-4-3-2-1 method, which I really enjoy (the link to the method is here).
The only difference is - instead of listing things, or even events - try to think of goals that would affect your day-to-day life and schedule. How do you want to be leading your life? What kind of activities bring you joy on a daily basis? Do you want to do more art? Do you want to talk more to people? Perhaps spend more time in complete solitude? Maybe you want to argue less with your family members? Read more? Watch less Netflix?
Whatever it may be, design the life you would like to be having, and see if you can make some practical changes to your schedule already starting this week. Without action, this newsletter is pointless (well, other than allowing me to fully express myself), and I would love it not to be.
For Those Of You With Companies
As a bonus, I have also been thinking of companies. Given the fact that I mentor quite a lot of them - I constantly see founders focusing on strange KPIs and goals - such as MRR, profitability, and fundraising.
Who in their right mind would feel motivated by such things? Especially if they are ‘just’ employees? Why would they care if your company has more MRR this year?
Therefore, I would try to apply the same principles to company goal-setting. What kind of company would you like to create, and what kind of activities would people be able to do, if the company is financially successful?
Here are some ideas for goals not based on money:
We go to a company-wide retreat once a year, where the topic has nothing to do with business.
We build a Gong Fu Tea Room (Or a board game room) in every office, that you can use whenever you want, including for your private events.
We go to Burning Man together once every three years.
We never have meetings before 12:00.
We have an in-house therapist that everyone can see whenever they want.
Your children can go to a kindergarten run and owned by the company. It is located inside the office building.
Tie these to some profitability numbers, and you have yourself some highly motivated employees. If you come up with your own creative KPIs for your company - please let me know as I like to collect them. Just hit reply or go to Telegram.
Hope this was of use, and as always - action speaks louder than words.
Best,
Dima